Also, I have registered for a marathon in November, and even though I had and have ever intention of doing it, the odds point to no. I feel so unbelievably helpless in the matter. With my dear friend getting married, and having a full time job AND finding another job that will give her unprecedented opportunity for her future, I'm worried that the marathon is no longer at the top of her list of priorities. All I can say is that while I am ceaselessly happy for her, I am also saddened because of my own desires and fantasies of crossing a finish line 26.2 miles after crossing a start line. Not only have I already paid the 70 dollar registration fee that includes personalized bib, but I have told umpteen people that I am doing this and that I'm training for a marathon. And while I would love to say that I am strong enough and crazy enough to just do it by myself without her being by my side, I'm not sure that I am.
And in addition to the fact of her life going on a different trail, my foot doesn't seem to want to stop hurting, and I am terrified and anxious pretty much all the time about my injury, and that I haven't run in over a month and that I feel like I'm back tracking and quitting and feeling sorry for myself all the time, and that my ego did this to me because of those stupidly beautiful 4 inch heels and those 3 events I just HAD to wear them to while standing, even though I over-pronate and have injured both ankles many times over the years. What to do, what to do... If I were someone else listening to me talk about this, I would say that I have to just keep living day to day, take care of myself, quit beating myself up, acknowledge the fact that I am only human and that I am a minute speck in the scheme of things, and that I have to give myself a break. But even though most things worth achieving are not easy... it's really hard. Really.
