Back in the saddle again?

So.... Three months into my injury and getting better, though slowly, I, dear friends, am going out of my mind. I had my yoga class yesterday, which has been a constant bright spot at the beginning of all of my weeks for the past eight months. I had some time to kill between work and class, so I decided to grab a cup of tea at Gallery Espresso. (The staff can be a little uppity, and the clientele a little dirty/pretentious, but I guess we are talking about a locally run coffee shop that serves quality products so I guess I'll give them a little slack because it is after all to be expected.) (Oh yeah, and they serve Mariage Fréres Tea which is freaking phenominal.) So after my Baroness Grey (of course) I noticed a little bike shop next to the coffee shop and I walked in, because I have been looking for an alternative to running.

I would like to say that I have taken my own advise and followed the octopus' wisdom and started swimming regularly, but I regret to inform you that I haven't. I miss the accessibility of running where I'm out the door and on my way. I know I'm being very anti-inspirational about it, but when I planned a run in the morning, I was always excited enough about it to actually get up out of my bed in the morning and go outside and into the world to go run. It was great. Swimming, on the other hand, isn't so simple. I have to have my bag packed with two towels, all of my clothing to wear for the day, shampoo, conditioner, soap plus a baggie to put the soggy mess into afterwards, shoes. Strap myself into my bathing suit (a tumultuous task) in a groggy stupor, and get out my door with at least two hours to spare before work. Oh yeah, and I have to worry about waiting for a lane to open up, keep my eyes peeled for the naked cyclops in the dressing room. (Seriously, nothing against the one-eyed population but when she is naked and waving at a 5 year old girl, it's a lot to handle at 8:30-am.) So anyway, it's just difficult. I can't get my head around being that prepared all the time.

So, back to the bike shop at hand-- Perry Rubber. Replace those b's with n's and what do you have? Runner. (Sorry, sometimes I become a little involved with silly word play.) Anyway, I talked to this very nice guy about biking and how foreign it is to me (well. I know how to ride a bike, but that's pretty much the extent of my cycling knowledge... I guess I have that going for me at least). He thought it would be a great alternative to running. He actually had a similar injury that cause him to get into biking. He showed me some bikes and what their advantages are-- the accessibility, the fun, the social aspect... all things I'm looking for. We had a long conversation. Trouble is, when you are talking about biking, you are talking about some serious dollars. So even though I'm totally hooked on the concept. I now have another dilemma, lack of funds. Any of you out there know how to gain funds for such an endeavor?

Interesting

Well here's the link to the article about the marathon coming to Savannah.

So I went to the Tybee Island Social Club tonight with my mom, aunt, cousin and some friends and I ran into this guy that my brother grew up with. They were very good friends-- crazy devils. It was totally bizarre to see him, especially so out of the blue and on Tybee of all places. It's a small world I suppose. Anyway, he's a runner, and through the magic of facebook, I suppose that he has been keeping up with my running. So he asked me what races I had done, and I told him, and then I told him that I have tendonitis and that it's killing me and I'm so frustrated. It turns out he's had it several times and it's extremely frustrating, but he said that I should swim. He said, "You should just swim. You know, I'm actually a better swimmer than I am a runner. And stretch well." It sort of dawned on me at this point. I've been looking for a game plan to help me with training while in recovery, and while I do love to swim and have swum since my injury, it has been difficult because swimming is so much less accessible than running.

I have felt such a strong connection to the octopus lately. Several funny coincidences involving octopi have happened in the past couple of weeks and I think they are interesting animals. I looked up the symbolism for octopi, and it turns out that they are riddled with all sorts of great stuff. So when Jason told me I just needed to swim, it was sort of a "duh" moment. Of course. And then the octopus is also a great example of being flexible and ready to change, so maybe that's what my inner octopus is guiding me to do. I have to get over the accessibility thing. Don't know how. But hopefully there will be some inspiration from my eight tentacled pal.

No plans

Well, "We plan, God laughs" seems to be the moral of the story. I have decided to give up the marathon this year. I wanted so badly to do it. I really did. But I have to take care of myself. I will continue to train when I get better. The Rock N' Roll Marathon is coming to Savannah NEXT November... which seems pretty serendipitous, but I might go west anyway for the hell of it. Plus, I'm going to hope that I can get my registration fee counted for next year instead of this year.

Aleen seems relieved, just because she has SOO much on her plate. I myself am mournful, but I also feel a little bit of relief. I don't want to further complicate things by being a horse's ass. And I have decided to go on a hiking trip in October, hopefully. The Smokies are gorgeous at that time. And I know I'll be able to use a a vacation.

Hope all is well with all you runners. Don't over do it. And don't wear heels if they hurt!

Injuries: mental and physical

Well, aside from the obvious "I haven't written in a long time" speech, I will say that I've been having problems with my ankles since December. Being the stubborn ass that I am, I don't want to "quit," and I'm trying to hard not to feel unhinged by the fact that I have been in pain and that I need to heal myself, and I haven't been running... well... I realize I am word-vomiting... let me back up. I have weak ankles, and extra weight, which doesn't help the matter. I also have a mad desire to run and a mad desire to be motivated to run all the time. However, I feel like I have encountered (like most) a fair share of obstacles. I am currently treating my injury using a variety of holistic approaches, and trying really hard not to be put off by my injury and rehabilitation time.

Also, I have registered for a marathon in November, and even though I had and have ever intention of doing it, the odds point to no. I feel so unbelievably helpless in the matter. With my dear friend getting married, and having a full time job AND finding another job that will give her unprecedented opportunity for her future, I'm worried that the marathon is no longer at the top of her list of priorities. All I can say is that while I am ceaselessly happy for her, I am also saddened because of my own desires and fantasies of crossing a finish line 26.2 miles after crossing a start line. Not only have I already paid the 70 dollar registration fee that includes personalized bib, but I have told umpteen people that I am doing this and that I'm training for a marathon. And while I would love to say that I am strong enough and crazy enough to just do it by myself without her being by my side, I'm not sure that I am.

And in addition to the fact of her life going on a different trail, my foot doesn't seem to want to stop hurting, and I am terrified and anxious pretty much all the time about my injury, and that I haven't run in over a month and that I feel like I'm back tracking and quitting and feeling sorry for myself all the time, and that my ego did this to me because of those stupidly beautiful 4 inch heels and those 3 events I just HAD to wear them to while standing, even though I over-pronate and have injured both ankles many times over the years. What to do, what to do... If I were someone else listening to me talk about this, I would say that I have to just keep living day to day, take care of myself, quit beating myself up, acknowledge the fact that I am only human and that I am a minute speck in the scheme of things, and that I have to give myself a break. But even though most things worth achieving are not easy... it's really hard. Really.

Beaufort

So the Beaufort Twilight run was very cool. It was a little more home grown than the other races I've been to. It was in this neighborhood in Beaufort called "Habersham Village." In this area, there was the center of the village, which had shops and restaurants and then, looping out from the center of the town were roads that led to the neighborhood of unbelievably gorgeous houses. On the second and then third loop of the race, the course took you by the marsh, where the sun was setting. It was beautiful.

My time was not a huge accomplishment at 1:03:52, which means that due to a bought with a sinus infection my pacing was 12:48. I guess it doesn't really matter. I don't really do these races to "beat" anything except a lazy attitude. Although my timing does feel like an indicator that I've been distracted. But, then again, I might just be giving myself a hard time. Anyway, it was a beautiful run.

Also, I got recognized! As you can see in my Tybee run pictures, I wear a turquoise hat when I run usually. My sister-in-law, Melanie gave it to me, and I love it. Well, I was wearing it at Tybee and I wore it Saturday as well, and a woman came up to me and said "Hey, miss! Did you run the Tybee Race?" and when I told her I had, she said that she recognized my hat and that she was behind me at the Tybee run and she was trying to catch up to me the whole time, looking at my hat, and that she would be behind me during this race too! It was a sweet comment. I don't know if she ended up behind me or not... I do have to say, I have really enjoyed getting into this community. As far as I can tell, runners are really friendly people. It's a very supportive community. Everyone is so encouraging and happy. I love it. Everyone wants everyone else to do well. It's very uplifting. It's a whole hell of a lot better than meeting people in bars, in my opinion of course.

Well it's off to work! I have to go in early because my coworkers daughter is sick. Feel better Ally!

Planning for Running.

So I have this whole weekend off through Monday and I think I'm going to spend it running, coming up with new recipes, organizing and doing yoga. Sounds like a plan to me!

I registered for the Beaufort Twilight Run on March 20. It's an 8k, so longer than the last run I did. I'm pretty excited. I'm doing this one by myself though, so I'm a little conflicted about not having company. I'm sure I'll be fine, it will just be weird. Also there's this oyster roast afterwards, and I get a little awkward around people sometimes. We'll see how it goes.

I subscribed to Runner's World Magazine and I got my first couple of issues. They are super informative. There are also a bunch of recipes under the "Fuel" section and they are fantastic. Also there's lots of information about training and pacing. I'm totally hooked.

The February mean reds

Gotta love free beer! (Corona Light to boot!)

Okay, so there's something you should know about me. The month of February has, historically speaking, always dealt me a fairly irritating hand, so I'm trying my best to keep a positive outlook. But there are ups and downs to every month though, so maybe I'm being a little irrational... (Me? Never!) So this month has been fairly good as opposed to other years. I'm trying to keep my momentum going. In my brain it's all I can think about, but acting on it when I need to is really difficult. My schedule is so up and down, I get really tired at odd times and then I don't feel like running. It's really frustrating. I mean these are definitely the obstacles that I have to figure out how to overcome so... persevere!!

But there are the slightly anecdotal moments like the irony of running late for my yoga class and getting pulled over for speeding... Then missing my yoga class as a result of it. Moral of the story? Don't run late for yoga. haha

But... goals accomplished this week? Even though I missed my yoga class, I pulled a u-turn and went home and did some on my own and I did my first shoulder-stand which I was REALLY excited about. My times are also decreasing in my running. My pace has gone from a 12 minute mile to about an 11.5 minute mile in the past week so that's another thing I'm pretty pumped about.

I bought Hal Higdon's book Marathon too. I'm trying to eat, drink, breath running and healthful thoughts. I can't think of anything I've wanted more, at least for a really long time. Apparently my friends might be getting a little bored by me, but it's what's keeping me going and keeping me happy and strong right now, so they can shove it for all I care.

In other news, my friend Aleen, with whom I'm running the marathon, just got engaged! So congratulations Aleen and Joe! (Joe is also going to be running the marathon with us.) Also the proofs from the Tybee 5k became available, and I think I like them better than others that I have seen. Ha!

Daily Grind

Well, I do feel as if I have slacked in the blogging area, but I promise that I haven't been slacking in the running area. That's what my focus has been on this week. And it has been a much better week, I am very glad to say. I joined the gym last week because I've been having difficulty with my skin in the cold weather, and running on the treadmill has REALLY helped with that. It's also helping me with pacing which is great.

I'm trying to work on a routine to get me to meet my short term goals that will ultimately lead to my big long term goal-- the marathon. So Aleen and I have worked out our short term goals on a weekly basis until we get to the race. It works from Hal Higden's training guide, which has been helpful. Mine is a little varied, but I think I'm getting the gist of if. His training guide starts at about 20 miles a week, so I'm working towards getting up to that volume. When I was training for the 10k, I did almost that much when I was going strong. I think it's really doable. I'm starting off slow though. This week's goal was 10 miles, and I'm working on a rest-run-rest-run-run-run-cross format. I started strong with my long run (3 miles) on Monday, and then had a rest day on Tuesday. Then yesterday and today I ran 2.5 miles. So tomorrow if I do 2 miles, I will have completed my goal and I will be able to cross train on Saturday. I can't wait to figure out what I'm going to do as cross training!

I really need to work on my priorities with training, because I'm notorious for biting off more than I can chew. Like this week I've really been focused on my pacing, and I almost think I need to give myself a little break as far as that goes. The competition part of my brain gets going and I start thinking about time. Now, considering this is the first marathon that I'm going to do, I think I need to be a little easier on myself so that I don't burn myself out. Then again, maybe me pushing myself is a really good thing, and instead of thinking in the mindset of getting "burned out" and giving myself a break, I just need to use that drive as momentum. Maybe it's just about finding a balance. That's probably more like it. As far as training goes, I think my priorities are as follows:

1. I need to just stay focused, keep with my training program and keep moving with it until (and after) the race. Keep mapping out my goals and doing my best to stick to them.
2. Work on building a healthier body. Eat the right foods, keep working on building better techniques for taking care of body and all that it houses.
3. Work on timing. As much as I want to say it doesn't matter to me what time I finish in, I have to say I do want to finish with a half-way decent time.
4. Focus on my needs and no one else's I have got to quit thinking about what other people are thinking.

I think that training will really help with all of these things. I want so badly to be disciplined. I need more structure in my life. It is so difficult to try to do the right things when you are trying to figure out what the right things are. Especially when there are advantages and drawbacks to everything. Like joining the gym was a great thing; however, I had not anticipated that all the other people in the gym would want to watch would be FoxNews. Now... not bashing the news, but I generally don't watch it because it stresses me out. Now, reducing stress is all in the plan of training, so I had to come up with a solution to that. I tried reading today which was difficult to do because I'm bouncing so much, but generally it helped. It also made the time go by a lot faster. Any other ideas?

A new week and a new yoga class...

So today starts a new week, and I couldn't be more thrilled. Already I feel that things are looking up. I have the day off today so I slept a little later than normal and said adieu to my friends who came down for the race. Then I curled up in my bed with my dog and watched a movie. It's nice to do those things sometimes. It's a beautiful day, and I'm grateful to see the sun, but it's chilly out so it's also very nice to be snuggled up with the warm pup and my pillows with the sunshine streaming in through my windows. Not all lazy-bones here though. I'm very excited because I'm going to a new yoga class tonight. The description for the class is:

"This is an all levels class, suitable for beginners. We'll explore specific

postures that are typically seated and held for 3-5 minutes to access the dense,

yin-like and slow growing connective tissue of the joints; typically in the hips,

lower back and sacrum area. Class will begin with about 30 minutes of gentle

flowing movement, standing balance postures and ab work. From there we'll

move to the yin portion of class, with little verbal instruction and little or no

adjustments. This practice becomes very meditative as you turn your attention

inward. Great complement to your power yoga practice, as well as being very

beneficial for runners or those who sit at a computer all day!

I've been looking forward to this one. We'll see how I feel tonight after I've finished.

I'm working towards a schedule to get up to the milage volume I need to be to at to train for the marathon. Thanks to my friend Aleen, who I am doing this marathon with, I have a training goal schedule. This week is 10 miles. That was last week's goal too, and since that didn't go off as planned, I'm hoping this week will be better. Tomorrow is my long run. I'm planning for 4 miles and then I'm going to have another yoga class at the Co-op. Since most of my skin issues are worked out (more or less) I think I'll be able to get more accomplished. I did 7 miles last week and that's not really anything to sneeze at. So... onward and upward!

Goals:

Work on keeping positive attitude

Run 4 miles tomorrow

Enjoy yoga class

Run 10 miles this week

Little Island, Big Race

Today was the Critz Tybee Island 5k and Half-Marathon. Originally when I did the Savannah River Bridge Run in December, I was working towards the Half, but I ended up just doing the 5k. As much as I hate to admit it, I had some set backs, like a sprained ankle, that caused me to chicken out. I feel a little saddened that it's over and I didn't do it, but what are you gonna do? There are always going to be other half-marathons... and marathons for that matter! I did do a fairly decent time for me though, which I was pretty happy about- 37:55 which is about three-and-a-half minutes down from the last time I did a 5k (on my own). I've been feeling frustrated this week just because nothing has been going very smoothly, so I'm looking forward to tomorrow to start a new week. Okay okay, the race did go well. I need to get out of this negative mood! That's where all the frustration has been coming from. I think, just like usual, I've been doubting myself and being scared to own up to all the stuff that comes with this territory, if that makes sense. I'm really proud of the progress I've made, but I just don't feel like a real runner yet. Yes, I can do it, and I'm working really hard to get there, I just feel sort of funny about the whole thing. My goal today was to break 40 minutes, and I did that! That's awesome!... BUT... I have a huge problem with comparing myself to others. I guess that's the problem with competition. I have to learn to give myself a break, I've only been working on this for about five months after about five years of being pretty much completely sedentary. (Gross... I know.)

I do have to say that when I saw the clock and it said 37:45 as I was nearing the finish line, my mouth dropped open. I felt crazy! I didn't think it was telling me the truth. I have the same problem when I weigh myself. It's so strange to look at the number and see it being 60 pounds lighter. A number of times I have gotten off and weighed again just to see if it's real. The thing is, I don't FEEL different somehow. I do feel better in a lot of ways but I still feel like I'm the same person with a loooooong way to go. I meticulously look at myself in mirrors or pictures trying to pin-point where weight has disappeared from. It's a very self-centered approach, but I feel confused. It doesn't seem possible. I hate feeling like that! I wish I could just be proud of myself and keep moving, but I'm having this block. It's kind of an emotional roller coaster. As proud as I was when I crossed that line, I felt at the same moment completely self-conscious as the photographer snapped my picture. I absolutely hate looking at the pictures from the races. I feel like I look like I don't belong. The thing is, if I heard a friend tell me that, I would smack them. Would someone smack me, please?

Goals:

Forget about what other people think

Be proud of myself

Believe in my success

Distract my thoughts from self-conscious rants

Figure out a way to smack myself (haha)

What am I really trying to achieve here?

Let me first say, yes, I do want to lose weight, but that’s not how all of this started. I want to start feeling better. When I started to drop pounds (60 so far), it wasn’t because I was making an effort to really. Yes, things started falling into place, but it was because I was happy for once. I had full-time employment for the first time. I felt like I had at least one small purpose, even if it is at a pretty mundane job. I felt needed there. I still do. I’m not sure how I feel about them right this minute, but for the most part, I’m happy with my job—I’m happy that I get insurance (even though I pay out the ass for it, I still earn it. I got it for myself), I’m happy that I get up most days and go to work. It puts me on a routine (however hectic) and that is good for me. As far as running goes, it makes me feel good. It challenges me. So that’s what it’s about. I want to run.

I’m awful at committing myself to something that is good for me other than school. I don’t know why that is. I’m very good at being a student, but I’m pretty bad about taking responsibility for my time and skills. Now that I’m finished with school, at least for now, I think it’s time for me to be good at something else. I know that I’m talented in a lot of ways, but I’m not really using my talents very often. I also know that I have the potential to be fairly attractive, but I’ve been hiding myself from everyone with a giant layer of fat. The only reason I can come up with for why I’ve been doing these things (sabotaging myself, really) is because I am scared to take responsibility, I guess. That’s the best answer I can come up with.

Well what I really want to achieve is to reverse this. I think that if I continue to take positive steps (literally and metaphorically), more positive things will happen. I think the more I take care of myself, the better I will feel. Running is a huge part of that, and I think a long-term training plan is exactly what I need to do this. If I can sit down right now and say, “On November 7, 2010, I’m going to run a marathon.” That means that I’m going to have to commit to training now. That’s really important. I have to stick to this. I almost have to treat it as if it were school, and my homework is to create time for running around my schedule. I have to prepare myself mentally and physically to do this. It’s not an easy feat. Not everyone can or will do this type of activity, but I know that if I commit myself to it, I can. I actually can do it. All I have to do is take responsibility for that and do it.